JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
