i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
