I faked an abortion last night.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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