Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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