It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
