Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
