I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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