What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
