my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
