her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
where are you?
Hypothermia
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
