This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
