new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
