And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
