yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
