I think I am morally bankrupt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What a dumb baby whore.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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