we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
