Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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