it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
