It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
