I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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