The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
