i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
