I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
