remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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