I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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