i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You took a bar mat shot.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
