her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
