I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
