I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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