my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
