there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
