Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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Do I have a choice?
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i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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