can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
