I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my liver is dry heaving
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
