Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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