I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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