Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
