Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
