The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
