I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
