let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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