she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
