i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
