I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
