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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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