i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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