wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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