good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
