I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
