I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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