This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
