Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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