They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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